I am forcing myself to finish my online program to get my second bachelor's in speech and language pathology. Initially, I was really looking forward to pursuing a career in communication disorders and being able to work in a variety of settings with small children. It seemed like the perfect offshoot of being an elementary school teacher. I still occasionally miss the classroom (the teaching part, not the behavioral management part), and being a SLP would allow me to work with kids again. But now that Ella is here my motivation is completed tapped out. I can't seem to concentrate on my school work, and all I really want to do is spend my day with my daughter. A (very large) part of me just wants to be a stay-at-home mom instead of pursuing a career. I'm torn because I don't want to regret not having a career years down the road (say, when all our kids are in school). At the same time, I love being a mom to Ella and don't want to compromise that by working. I know plenty of moms who work and those who stay at home, and both jobs are challenging and admirable. I respect both camps so much. They both have pros and cons to them. I guess I just don't know what's right for me.
I confess that deep down there's a little voice in me that says I need to work in order to have an identity other than being a mom. Don't get me wrong. I think being a mom is the toughest job out there. It's demanding 24/7 and you don't get vacations days. I just struggle with the social pressure to be defined by what you do. And I feel like nowadays you have to have a profession while you're still relatively young because the job market is so competitive.
Once I get my degree, I still have to commit to two years for a master's program before I can actually be a SLP. That's daunting to me, especially since we plan to have more children. I've considered getting my master's in library science to be a children's librarian (which is a much easier, shorter program), but there really are no jobs out there. So I'm torn. Adam jokes that I collect degrees as a profession. Which, yeah, kinda true. But is that because I'm unable to commit to a career? Or is that because the career I truly belong in is being a mom? At thirty years old, am I okay with saying that I'm a mom? Or will I feel unfulfilled (for whatever reason, legitimate or not) because I can't just hand over a business card when people ask what I do? Maybe I should just make a business card for myself:
Yassie T. Holliday, M.O.M.
Mommyhood Specialist
Holliday Household Corp.
Specializing in tummy time, read-a-louds, and pug wrangling.
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