Where has the time gone? Days blur into weeks as I battle the persistent nausea and fatigue that this first trimester is dealing me. Thankfully (hopefully), the symptoms are subsiding a bit and I'm seeing the light at the end of this prenatal-induced hangover.
The most notable development around here this week has been the complete weaning of Ella. I've successfully managed to put her down without nursing for the past three nights (quite the feat, since Ella loves her ni-ni). I'm happy and relieved that the transition has been pretty smooth (and free of meltdowns and tears). We switched to a different bedtime routine (kind of on accident as I was feeling exhausted by the evening and Adam simply took over bath duties all by himself), and she's been pretty cooperative falling asleep with some rocking, singing, and looking at stars from her ladybug nightlight. I thought going to sleep without that final feeding would cause her to wake in the middle of the night or super early in the morning, but she's been maintaining her 11 hours of sleep each night. We are thrilled and relieved that slowly, but surely, she will no longer depend on me to put her down each night.
That being said, I'm a bit sad that my little baby has grown out of this stage in her life. Breastfeeding was so challenging in the beginning, yet it was so rewarding to see the benefits and know that I was providing the very best for my little baby. And while I was by no means the type of mom that stared longingly at my child while she nursed, it felt really good to know I was able to sustain her through her first year of life. So it's a little bittersweet for me, but hey, if I miss it all that much, I get to start again in 39 weeks. Ha!
Friday, July 20, 2012
Monday, July 9, 2012
summer days
I confess I've been slacking on taking pictures lately because of the nausea and fatigue. Sometimes I just want to melt into the couch and never move again. But here are a few pictures of Ella around here. I still try to get her out of the house daily, but the effort is definitely more taxing on my energy levels. Thankfully, she hasn't noticed too much and just thinks that Mommy likes to nap with her a lot.
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| Ella got a legitimate kick board and loves "boogie boarding" around the pool with Dad. |
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| Her first carousel ride. |
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| Still getting used to that toothy grin. |
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| She loves snuggling up to Remy. |
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| Ella's starting to role play a little more with her baby doll. Though here, she looks like she's wrestling with her. |
a sequel
I know it's been a while since the last post. Since celebrating Ella's first birthday, I've been hit with waves of exhaustion, nausea and emotional ups and downs that have prevented me from really wanted to post. Yes, yes, these are all very common symptoms of...
... BEING PREGNANT.
The week before Ella's birthday, I found out that I'm pregnant with our second child. This came as a complete shock. I think I'm still in shock (and I'm 9 1/2 weeks into this pregnancy). Adam and I had discussed thinking about having another baby after Ella turned one. We wanted our kids (at least the first two) to be relatively close in age. But the idea of being pregnant again, after finally getting my body back (kinda, sorta), made me cringe. I didn't think I was physically ready to go through the nausea and the aches and the worries of growing another human being inside me. I was just looking forward to weaning Ella and having a little (selfish) freedom. That, and I really, REALLY like my sleep. I know, totally selfish. But Ella is down to one nursing session a day, consistently sleeping 10-12 hours a night, and growing beautifully into this little toddler-person that I really appreciate and love. We're all in a really nice routine and feel firmly planted in this whole parenting thing. And then, whoosh, we get knocked off our feet. I still feel like I'm processing through it all. I know I'm still in the first trimester, and miscarriage is so real to us, but I can't but feel overwhelmed for the future. Not that I don't embrace this baby (I mean, how blessed are we to conceive so easily), but when I really start thinking about the future, I get just a little panicked.
While it's standard to wait until after the first trimester to share the news, I feel like I can't really keep it to myself at this point. We've told all our close friends and family, because they would be our support system either way. And besides, this pregnancy has challenged me so much more than my first pregnancy and the one with Ella did. I feel emotionally wrecked. I know it's 95% hormones and 5% it being unplanned, but I've been pretty blue. I'm not usually a sad person. I can deal with the constant nausea and fatigue, knowing that there will come a time when it subsides. But the intense emotions I feel are new to me. With Ella, I was filled with so much hopeful anticipation. With this baby, I just get sad that I can't give 100% to Ella or to the baby.
I do sometimes get little waves of excitement thinking about Ella having a little brother or sister to play with. And my heart grows thinking about how much more love there is to give to another child, especially when I see Ella and the joy she brings to our lives. So there is beauty and celebration in all of this. I just have to dig a little deeper to find it.
This is all just a reminder that we have so little control over our lives. We can plan and try to find "the right" time for things, but really, we are just here for the ride. I am grateful for this child. I am grateful that Adam and I can add to our family. I see how much Ella has changed our lives, and I am grateful that this child will do the same. I am also humbled, because yet again I am reminded that being a mom isn't about my selfish needs for sleep and perky boobs. It's providing for my children whether it's making sure Ella learns to feed herself or eating healthy meals throughout the day to nourish this growing baby inside me.
So with all that being said, here we go with Pregnancy: The Sequel. And here is our little blob at 8 weeks:
... BEING PREGNANT.
The week before Ella's birthday, I found out that I'm pregnant with our second child. This came as a complete shock. I think I'm still in shock (and I'm 9 1/2 weeks into this pregnancy). Adam and I had discussed thinking about having another baby after Ella turned one. We wanted our kids (at least the first two) to be relatively close in age. But the idea of being pregnant again, after finally getting my body back (kinda, sorta), made me cringe. I didn't think I was physically ready to go through the nausea and the aches and the worries of growing another human being inside me. I was just looking forward to weaning Ella and having a little (selfish) freedom. That, and I really, REALLY like my sleep. I know, totally selfish. But Ella is down to one nursing session a day, consistently sleeping 10-12 hours a night, and growing beautifully into this little toddler-person that I really appreciate and love. We're all in a really nice routine and feel firmly planted in this whole parenting thing. And then, whoosh, we get knocked off our feet. I still feel like I'm processing through it all. I know I'm still in the first trimester, and miscarriage is so real to us, but I can't but feel overwhelmed for the future. Not that I don't embrace this baby (I mean, how blessed are we to conceive so easily), but when I really start thinking about the future, I get just a little panicked.
While it's standard to wait until after the first trimester to share the news, I feel like I can't really keep it to myself at this point. We've told all our close friends and family, because they would be our support system either way. And besides, this pregnancy has challenged me so much more than my first pregnancy and the one with Ella did. I feel emotionally wrecked. I know it's 95% hormones and 5% it being unplanned, but I've been pretty blue. I'm not usually a sad person. I can deal with the constant nausea and fatigue, knowing that there will come a time when it subsides. But the intense emotions I feel are new to me. With Ella, I was filled with so much hopeful anticipation. With this baby, I just get sad that I can't give 100% to Ella or to the baby.
I do sometimes get little waves of excitement thinking about Ella having a little brother or sister to play with. And my heart grows thinking about how much more love there is to give to another child, especially when I see Ella and the joy she brings to our lives. So there is beauty and celebration in all of this. I just have to dig a little deeper to find it.
This is all just a reminder that we have so little control over our lives. We can plan and try to find "the right" time for things, but really, we are just here for the ride. I am grateful for this child. I am grateful that Adam and I can add to our family. I see how much Ella has changed our lives, and I am grateful that this child will do the same. I am also humbled, because yet again I am reminded that being a mom isn't about my selfish needs for sleep and perky boobs. It's providing for my children whether it's making sure Ella learns to feed herself or eating healthy meals throughout the day to nourish this growing baby inside me.
So with all that being said, here we go with Pregnancy: The Sequel. And here is our little blob at 8 weeks:
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