Siblings

I've been meaning to post this, but never got around to it.  Here's a side-by-side picture of Ella and Gavin at approximately the same age (a few days old).

It amazes me how much they look alike.  I know, I know, they're siblings.  Of course they'll look alike.  I just can't get over it because we never got a really good ultrasound picture of Gavin, so we had no idea what he would look like.  Some people think he looks more like me, and Ella looked more like Adam.  But I think he just looks like a boy version of Ella.  I definitely look forward to seeing him grow and watching his features change.  It's so fun witnessing these little newborns blossom into little people.  Amazing.

Happy Birth Day, Little Man!

Gavin's arrival was definitely different than Ella's.  While we knew we would eventually be induced, it was still a surprise when our doctor told us to go to labor and delivery.  I've been going to my OB to be monitored twice a week, and I've been seeing a perinatologist to track Gavin's growth.  This was similar to my experience with Ella during the last few weeks of my pregnancy.  But while Ella made it exactly 40 weeks, we knew we wouldn't go past 39 with Gavin.  That being said, on Friday the 25th, I went to my OB appointment as scheduled for a routine NST appointment.  That day also happened to be my sister-in-law's graduation from her dental hygiene program, and I was sad to miss it while Adam and Ella went.  My appointment went find, the NST results were good, and my OB predicted that I'd either go into labor naturally, or we'd consider inducing the following week.  I called Adam to fill him in, and even mentioned how nice it was to have "a plan" for labor this time around.  Since my perinatal appointment was later that day, I decided to go get a mani-pedi, followed by an impromptu lunch with my girlfriend, Kathy.  

Running late to my perinatologist (lunch with girlfriends can cause that), I was simply expecting the doctor to say that Gavin's abdomen was still slow growing and that we may have to induce a bit earlier.  Instead, he said Gavin's abdomen was still slow growing and (after conferring with my OB) that I should head to L&D to be induced.  Right now.  I was caught totally off guard.  I thought I'd get to go home.  Shower.  Finish packing.  Say goodbye to Ella.  Get a good night's sleep.  At this point it was three o'clock in the afternoon.  Adam had just gotten home from the graduation.  Ella was napping.  I hadn't even finished hanging things in Gavin's room!  I started to panic a little.  I was not expecting to go get induced.  Right now.  

So I hightailed it home, making phone calls to Adam and our parents along the way.  A quick shower, some last minute emails, and a hurried goodbye to Ella later, we left for the hospital.  (Poor Ashley, never got her graduation dinner.  Gavin stole her thunder!)

One last picture before heading out.  I'm 38 weeks here.

 I have to say, showing up to the hospital NOT in labor was much less stressful, especially when it came to filling out forms.  All I could remember from my experience with Ella was signing my name in between contractions and just wanting to be left alone so I could labor away.  This time, we took our time, joked with nurses, and checked in calmly.  I did get a bit nervous and anxious waiting for the nurses because I had way too much time to anticipate the pain that lay ahead of me.  I labored for 24 hours with Ella, and while I knew that it's "easier" and "quicker" the second time around, I was not looking forward to the pain.  They started me on pitocin at 6:15 pm, my OB broke my bag of waters at 6:45, and after a much too painful epidural (the anesthesiologist kept hitting a nerve) a couple hours later, we got to rest for about an hour.  Then the nurse said she was concerned about his heartbeat slowing down too much during each contraction, which in turn made me nervous and worried (would I need an emergency C-section?)  Turns out, baby boy was making his way down and my contractions started to get stronger and stronger.  So much so that the epidural wasn't helping too much and I knew it was time to push.  A couple practice pushes, a hurried call to the OB and a rushed setup resulted in our little man being born at 11:31 pm.  I couldn't believe how quickly it went!    

Our experience overall was so much better--probably because we knew what to expect (for the most part).  Even our hospital stay wasn't as exhausting.  We were just grateful that despite the complications I had during the pregnancy, he was born healthy and safely.

The car ride home.

Because Ella had a little cold, she wasn't able to visit us at the hospital.  I missed her so much; it was the longest I'd been away from her.  But she did great with Grandma and was busy practicing being a big sister.

So maternal and nurturing, she loves caring for her baby doll.

The transition from one child to two has been SO much easier than going from none to one.  Plus, Gavin is really laid back and easy-going, which I appreciate.  He latched right away, is a good eater, and just a really mellow baby.  He's even (accidentally) slept five hours one night (though we'll see how long that lasts).  I just can't believe he's here.

Hanging with Dad.

Basically what he does all day long.

Counting Down

We are eagerly checking off the days until we meet our little boy.  The past month has been filled with lots of doctor visits and fetal monitoring.  This pregnancy has definitely had its share of complications.  I developed gestational diabetes, have (yet again) an uncooperative placenta, and have had to go in twice weekly for a stress test to make sure the baby is doing well.  We learned recently that because my placenta is not doing what it's supposed to be doing, our little guy's abdomen is not growing as it should be.  All this means is that he won't be a big rolly polly baby.  But it's still cause for concern that he's not getting enough nutrition.  So looks like we'll be inducing early (within the next two weeks), depending on how he's doing in there.  Of course this all makes me nervous and anxious.  And of course it is a good reminder how little control we have in this process of creating life, and how it is such a MIRACLE and BLESSING to have children at all, let alone healthy ones.  So I am grateful we made it this far in the pregnancy with relatively few bumps in the rode, despite the complications.  I'm just eager to get him out (I'm over 37 weeks now, which is considered "full term") and meet this little man.

Plus, unlike with Ella, we haven't been able to get a good ultrasound picture of him.  He's always facing back and blocking his face with some limb or another, so we have no idea what he looks like.  I'm so curious to see our son!

As for the overall experience of this pregnancy, I must say it's been so different.  From the way I carry to my symptoms, this child is definitely his own person.  I had morning sickness much much longer than I did will Ella.  It took me until about 18 weeks before I started feeling myself again.  Then I had chronic headaches (they were terrible!) for a while, probably until 30 weeks.  And by 34 weeks, I felt like I was ready to deliver.  I'm carrying him so low, and my bump is definitely pointy and just out there.  With Ella, I didn't feel the discomfort until about 36-37 weeks, and my bump was always round and high.  This time around I don't have that dark line on my belly, and my skin has been relatively cooperative, which is a nice consolation.  The indigestion continues to plague me, and my nights are constantly interrupted with sore hips from sleeping on my side and the need to pee (I didn't have that latter problem with Ella at all).

I'm definitely looking forward to not being pregnant anymore.  I feel like having been pregnant (three times, including our first that ended in miscarriage) for the past three years has taken quite a toll on this body.  While this may not be our last child, I am looking forward to a break.

Emotionally I feel all over the place.  While we didn't plan having another child so soon, I'm glad it happened when it did (or just glad that the pregnancy is almost over and can't imagine doing it all over again right now).  I love that we're having a little boy and that he will usher in new energy into this family.  I wonder how it will be having another child, how much love I will have for him, and how much he will change our lives like Ella did when she was born.  Sometimes it still feels surreal, and the time to dwell on having another child gets overshadowed by the need to care for a toddler.  Still, I treasure those nights where I'm rocking Ella for bedtime and she's drifting off in my arms while I feel our son kick and move in my belly.  I cherish the fact that I have my babies so close, and know how blessed I am.

As for now, we are just trying to enjoy our final few days of being a family of three.  Adam and I are going out and having date nights as much as possible, because we know how challenging that can be with a newborn.  We're also sleeping as much as we can and just drinking in the relatively quiet and easy life we have.  While I know the roller coaster that awaits us, I'm excited to be exactly where we are right now.

a sequel

I know it's been a while since the last post.  Since celebrating Ella's first birthday, I've been hit with waves of exhaustion, nausea and emotional ups and downs that have prevented me from really wanted to post.  Yes, yes, these are all very common symptoms of...

... BEING PREGNANT.

The week before Ella's birthday, I found out that I'm pregnant with our second child.  This came as a complete shock.  I think I'm still in shock (and I'm 9 1/2 weeks into this pregnancy).  Adam and I had discussed thinking about having another baby after Ella turned one.  We wanted our kids (at least the first two) to be relatively close in age.  But the idea of being pregnant again, after finally getting my body back (kinda, sorta), made me cringe.  I didn't think I was physically ready to go through the nausea and the aches and the worries of growing another human being inside me.  I was just looking forward to weaning Ella and having a little (selfish) freedom.  That, and I really, REALLY like my sleep.  I know, totally selfish.  But Ella is down to one nursing session a day, consistently sleeping 10-12 hours a night, and growing beautifully into this little toddler-person that I really appreciate and love.  We're all in a really nice routine and feel firmly planted in this whole parenting thing.  And then, whoosh, we get knocked off our feet.   I still feel like I'm processing through it all.  I know I'm still in the first trimester, and miscarriage is so real to us, but I can't but feel overwhelmed for the future.  Not that I don't embrace this baby (I mean, how blessed are we to conceive so easily), but when I really start thinking about the future, I get just a little panicked.

While it's standard to wait until after the first trimester to share the news, I feel like I can't really keep it to myself at this point.  We've told all our close friends and family, because they would be our support system either way.  And besides, this pregnancy has challenged me so much more than my first pregnancy and the one with Ella did.  I feel emotionally wrecked.  I know it's 95% hormones and 5% it being unplanned, but I've been pretty blue.  I'm not usually a sad person.  I can deal with the constant nausea and fatigue, knowing that there will come a time when it subsides.  But the intense emotions I feel are new to me.  With Ella, I was filled with so much hopeful anticipation.  With this baby, I just get sad that I can't give 100% to Ella or to the baby.

I do sometimes get little waves of excitement thinking about Ella having a little brother or sister to play with.  And my heart grows thinking about how much more love there is to give to another child, especially when I see Ella and the joy she brings to our lives.  So there is beauty and celebration in all of this.  I just have to dig a little deeper to find it.

This is all just a reminder that we have so little control over our lives.  We can plan and try to find "the right" time for things, but really, we are just here for the ride.  I am grateful for this child.  I am grateful that Adam and I can add to our family.  I see how much Ella has changed our lives, and I am grateful that this child will do the same.  I am also humbled, because yet again I am reminded that being a mom isn't about my selfish needs for sleep and perky boobs.  It's providing for my children whether it's making sure Ella learns to feed herself or eating healthy meals throughout the day to nourish this growing baby inside me.    

So with all that being said, here we go with Pregnancy: The Sequel.  And here is our little blob at 8 weeks:

Thank God for Dads

Happy Father's Day!! This year we definitely have an extra special reason to celebrate. I'm sure Adam would say the best Father's Day gift is the birth of his baby girl. This being his first official celebration of the holiday as a dad, I just wanted to say that he deserves every finger-painted card, construction paper tie, and cheesy "World's Greatest Dad" award that he will be bound to receive from Ella. I knew when I married him that he would be an awesome father. But seeing him with Ella has made me realize he is even more incredible than I had imagined him to be. He changes every diaper with a song, bounces with her on the yoga ball through sleepless nights, and adores every single noise and expression she makes. Throughout the entire pregnancy he was completely devoted to us. He cried when I cried during the labor and delivery, and seeing him hold his baby girl in his arms for the first time was like watching love manifest itself in the tiniest of gestures. Ella will always know how a man should treat a woman through her father's love.

So Happy Father's Day, Adam. This will surely be the first of many more to come. You are the love of my life and seeing you grow into your role as a dad makes me fall in love with you all over again. Ella is a very blessed little girl!

A Birthing Story

It's hard to believe that she's here after all this anticipation!

Last Thursday, June 9th, Adam and I went to my routine OB appointment for our usual NST session.  We found out that I was having (mild) contractions every 20 minutes or so during the fetal monitoring.  Our doctor felt that I would probably deliver the upcoming weekend.  We were excited, though the reality didn't really sink in.  I just felt like I was going to be pregnant forever, rocking the bump til I was old and gray.

Thursday night we went to bed at around 10 pm since Adam had an early morning the next day.  I joked that perhaps he wouldn't make it into his 5 am work day if I went into labor.  At around 12:30 am I woke up with some intense contractions.  I knew it the moment I felt it that this was the beginning of labor.  How long the process would be, I wasn't certain.  I tried to sleep it off (knowing I needed all the rest I could get), but it got intense enough for me to whimper and writhe around in bed, waking Adam up.  We decided to see if I would be getting the contractions regularly before jumping to any conclusions about our baby's delivery.  Then, about 10 minutes later I had another contraction.  Then another 7 minutes later, I had another one.  Followed by another one 12 minutes later.  We called our doula. Juli, just to give her a head's up, and she suggested we try to sleep or for me to take a bath, since this pattern could continue for a while and I was still only in early labor.  Then they came more frequently; as we timed my contractions we realized they were coming in 4-6 minute intervals.  I didn't expect to starting getting them so close together so soon.  So we called Juli back (who said she actually couldn't go back to sleep either because she sensed she'd be needed sooner than later), and as we waited for her to come over, I did what every laboring woman does: throw on comfy clothes, finish packing the hospital bags, pay bills, and straighten my hair.

I have to be honest the contractions took me by surprise and I didn't really know how to deal with them.  Adam and I looked at each other and just knew this was going to be a tough road.  Maybe I wasn't as strong as I thought I'd be.  But the minute Juli arrived and placed her hands on my hips to ease the pain, we felt a lot more confident that we were going to do this.  We labored at home for about 11 hours.  Adam made us breakfast (oatmeal and cappuccinos, of course!) and switched off with Juli to help me through each contraction.  By 11:30 the contractions were getting stronger and we felt like I was dilated enough to head to the hospital.  Adam called the doctor and we headed out.

My calm and empowering labor at home was definitely interrupted by the hospital's many formal procedures.  Getting constantly poked, prodded and hooked up (four tries and an anesthesiologist later for the IV) made bearing through the contractions pretty challenging.  But Juli and Adam were amazing coaches and we persevered for another few hours.  By 3 pm, my OB broke my bags of water, intensifying the contractions.  I have to say, the next two hours were by far the most challenged.  At 6 cm dilated, I was about to go into transition and I was exhausted and scared that I wouldn't be able to actually push the baby out.  Through tears and feelings of defeat, I asked for the epidural.  When the pain medication set in, we were all given a brief reprieve and some rest.  My progress stalled and pitocin was administered to keep things going.  Transition hit and by 11:30 I was ready to push.  Adam made the comment that perhaps our baby would make her arrival on the 10th after all.  Juli and the L&D nurse both looked at him incredulously since first time moms usually push for at least 1-2 hours.  So I braced myself for the long haul, and started the pushing process.  Twenty-one minutes later at 11:51 pm, Ella Seraphina Holliday was born.  We were all amazed, overwhelmed and completely overcome by the experience.  She was placed on my chest, lifted her head and said hello to her new mommy and daddy.  And my heart was now eternally outside my body.

Adam and I are so completely overjoyed to welcome our little girl into this world.  After everything our family has been through we definitely welcome the celebration of a new life.  The day Ella was born was the day we fell in love with our daughter and even more with each other.  Thanks for sharing in our journey!  We look forward to what parenting holds for us.

Hello, Baby

Ella Seraphina Holliday made her grand debut on Friday, June 10, 2011 at 11:51 pm. Our healthy girl is 6 lbs 14 oz and 20.5 inches long. We are overjoyed, exhausted, overwhelmed, and madly in love! She is all of God's goodnessed bundled up into a tiny, squirmy package and we are so grateful to be able to experience this. Quick thank you to everyone for your offers of help and congratulations! We still can't remember what day it is, so we're doing some major bonding and hiding out with our daughter until we can get into some normal routine. Will definitely post more updates in the near future, including her birth story and pictures.

The Waiting Game

With just a few more days until our due date, Adam and I spent our (possibly) last weekend together as just the two of us strolling around town and taking it easy.  The beautiful weather we've been having has been very conducive for our walks and getting out and about.  Yesterday we met up with my mom and family for lunch at a delicious dumpling place (where we got free dumplings because Adam broke out the Chinese and told the waitress how good their food was), and then did some last minute errand shopping at Target (always a favorite past time of mine).  Today we slept in a little, then met up with our friend, Louie, for lunch at Porto's in Glendale and some shopping and strolling at the Americana.  We joked that I should scare people in stores by starting to pant and look pained.  When I took the stairs in the Puma store, the (really sweet and thoughtful) employee at the top level pointed out the elevator to me "just in case."  Apparently I look as ready to pop as I'm feeling!

Adam and I are trying hard to stay patient and keep our minds off the impending labor process.  We are just so eager to meet our little girl, it's hard to wait.  Nonetheless, we are focusing on staying prayerful for a safe and healthy birth, and trying to appreciate the last few moments we have as a family of two.

I'm 39 weeks and 1 day.  Adam is just plain ready for the baby to show up. 

The Nursery

It was a little gloomy out when I took the pictures so there are a lot of shadows and the colors look darker than they really are.  But in my pregnant state, I wasn't up to using the fancy camera that is stowed away in my office.  This gives you a rough idea as to what her nursery looks like.  We are so happy with the result, even though I had a hard time committing to the design scheme.  We chose a taupe/grey color on the wall, and our interior designer found the wallpaper that was inspired by my baby bag.  We kept everything else neutral and left space for her to fill up with her own personality and likes.  We are still missing a table lamp and an ottoman (on order), but all in all, the room is ready for her arrival!  I hope our baby girl likes it! 

Crib & dresser/changing table from Restoration Hardware Baby& Child
Moses basket from Serena & Lilly
Chandelier is refurbished from Adam's mom

Picture frame from Pottery Barn
Lamp from Target

Glider from Oilo.
Baby bags from Diaper Dude (Adam's) and Petunia Pickle Bottom (Yassie's).

Bookshelf from Serena & Lilly
Drapes from Pottery Barn

Shelves and pin board from Restoration Hardware Baby & Child
Monogram hooks from Anthropologie

The 38 Week Bump

38 Weeks, 1 Day

One Centimeter Dilated...

...which basically means... nothing.  Ha.  Though I think she's "dropped" a little (I'm feeling more pressure on my pelvic area), the doctor doesn't think labor's going to start anytime soon.  Not that I thought it would either.  Our OB doesn't expect to see any changes for another week to ten days (at least), so we'll just hang tight.  I guess this calls for more napping!

Full Term

I have officially reached the 37 week mark, which is a huge relief for us knowing that baby is considered full-term and that we can start expecting her at any time soon.  It also marks the start of me feeling uncomfortable and awkward.  I feel like I've been pretty fortunate throughout this pregnancy and have only begun to feel the strains, aches and pains.  But already I'm tired of the restless nights, the achey hips, and the feeling of not being fully mobile.  I've come to love my yoga ball which gives me lots of relief and am told it will help move my baby into position.  I'm definitely trying to conserve my energy for the actual birthing process, but I'm happy to report that the nursery is 98% done (with pictures coming soon) and we are mostly packed and ready to go.  The car seat is installed and I feel good about our preparedness (for what we can control, that is).  Now I just have to mentally prepare for the whole birthing a child thing.  I mean, really, it's starting to sink in how much it's going to hurt, and it doesn't help that I'm tired all the time and the thought of 15+ hours of laboring is just much too daunting.  It's such a strange feeling wanting time to pass so we can finally meet our little one, yet trying to enjoy the time we have left as just husband and wife (and pug and pug).  Because once she's here, there really are no refunds, right?  

Counting Down

There hasn't been too much to blog about lately, mostly because we've been starting the waiting game and counting down to baby's arrival.  We're still getting last minute things together (packing hospital bags, filling out forms, finishing up the nursery) and just staying vigilant for labor signs.  I know I still have a little over three weeks until my due date, but it just feels like it will happen so soon.  My weeks consist of doctors' visits and finding the energy to do little things around the house.  We're excited and anxious and can't believe that we'll be meeting our little girl soon!

I get fetal monitoring twice a week.

Love the sound of the baby's heartbeat.  And it's fun to hear her move around.

34 Weeks 2 Days

I'm so happy to report that everything is continuing to progress well in our pregnancy.  I'm starting to see my OB twice a week now for fetal monitoring and we just had another ultrasound with the perinatologist, who we always enjoy seeing.  We've been informed that her fluid levels are good, her growth is right on target (about 5 lbs. 2 oz.), and that we "really did it right" with our "good-looking" baby (gotta love our perinatologist!).

Her profile.  If you look carefully you can see her little hand by her face.

It's getting harder to get a good picture of her since she's a lot bigger now.  But here's her "serious face."

Representing the Pacific Northwest!

I want to preface this post with the fact that our baby has been showered with love, especially lately with all the wonderful gifts she's been receiving.  We are so appreciative of everyone's generosity and are thankful that so many people can join in our celebration of this new life coming into the world.  Our cup overflows!

That said, here is (according to Adam) what is probably the most exciting gift that our baby could possibly receive.  Thanks, Freilinger family (Jason, Cyndee, Chloee & Lucee)!  You know these items will be put to good use!

I got excited about a stroller and car seat.  Adam?  It's all about the Seattle sports gear, of course!

Cute As a Button, Sweet As Can Be: A Baby Shower

Doctor's Visit

I had my 32 week OB appointment yesterday and am happy to report that all is going along well.  After the little scare I had last week, I was relieved to find out that I only gained 1 lb. since my last visit two weeks ago, which puts me right on target.  That said, our scale at home is getting tossed out the window after a very stern talking to for freaking me out with its inaccurate reading.  My blood pressure was slightly elevated, but my doctor wasn't too concerned.  We had a good conversation about what would happen if I did develop preeclampsia (both now before the 35 week mark and later when I'm considered "full term") and I feel much more prepared for what to expect and confident that we will be okay regardless of what happens.  Still, as of now, things are going along swimmingly and I'm trying to relax and enjoy the time we have left with just the two of us (plus pugs) in our family.  Taking nothing about this pregnancy for granted, I am truly grateful for every day she is healthy and growing in my belly.

Lullabies

When I was an elementary school teacher, Adam would sometimes accompany me to shop for teaching supplies.  He always dreaded walking into Lakeshore and having to hear kids' songs play for the entire hour or so I was there shopping.  I explained to him that a lot of those songs and nursery rhymes were good for childhood development of language skills, but even then, he's wary of the sugary sweet, overly enthusiastic adults singing about numbers and sheep.  So when I mentioned buying some music for our baby to listen to, there were some raised eye brows (and maybe a pantomimed shotgun inserted into the mouth).  Then I found these from Rockabye Baby!.  There are no lyrics (and they're not really in the genre of kids' music), but we love that we can listen to them even when the baby isn't around.  We think this will be perfect for her to drift off to sleep to.  If anything, they tend to calm the pugs.

Sneak Peak

A little project I'm working on!  (Besides the one growing in my belly.)

Trial Runs

We decided to give my new baby carrier a test run, so of course Remy was volunteered to be the guinea pig.  Auntie Ashley carried him around while we set up the closet system in the baby's room.  He looks snug as a pug in a rug, no?

After much research and consideration, I decided to get the Babyhawk Mei Tai carrier.  Loving it (and the customization options) so far.

We also made him try out a bib.  He's having a hoot!

Thanks to Remy's help, both items were deemed effective for the baby.  They just needed a good wash afterward!