a sequel

I know it's been a while since the last post.  Since celebrating Ella's first birthday, I've been hit with waves of exhaustion, nausea and emotional ups and downs that have prevented me from really wanted to post.  Yes, yes, these are all very common symptoms of...

... BEING PREGNANT.

The week before Ella's birthday, I found out that I'm pregnant with our second child.  This came as a complete shock.  I think I'm still in shock (and I'm 9 1/2 weeks into this pregnancy).  Adam and I had discussed thinking about having another baby after Ella turned one.  We wanted our kids (at least the first two) to be relatively close in age.  But the idea of being pregnant again, after finally getting my body back (kinda, sorta), made me cringe.  I didn't think I was physically ready to go through the nausea and the aches and the worries of growing another human being inside me.  I was just looking forward to weaning Ella and having a little (selfish) freedom.  That, and I really, REALLY like my sleep.  I know, totally selfish.  But Ella is down to one nursing session a day, consistently sleeping 10-12 hours a night, and growing beautifully into this little toddler-person that I really appreciate and love.  We're all in a really nice routine and feel firmly planted in this whole parenting thing.  And then, whoosh, we get knocked off our feet.   I still feel like I'm processing through it all.  I know I'm still in the first trimester, and miscarriage is so real to us, but I can't but feel overwhelmed for the future.  Not that I don't embrace this baby (I mean, how blessed are we to conceive so easily), but when I really start thinking about the future, I get just a little panicked.

While it's standard to wait until after the first trimester to share the news, I feel like I can't really keep it to myself at this point.  We've told all our close friends and family, because they would be our support system either way.  And besides, this pregnancy has challenged me so much more than my first pregnancy and the one with Ella did.  I feel emotionally wrecked.  I know it's 95% hormones and 5% it being unplanned, but I've been pretty blue.  I'm not usually a sad person.  I can deal with the constant nausea and fatigue, knowing that there will come a time when it subsides.  But the intense emotions I feel are new to me.  With Ella, I was filled with so much hopeful anticipation.  With this baby, I just get sad that I can't give 100% to Ella or to the baby.

I do sometimes get little waves of excitement thinking about Ella having a little brother or sister to play with.  And my heart grows thinking about how much more love there is to give to another child, especially when I see Ella and the joy she brings to our lives.  So there is beauty and celebration in all of this.  I just have to dig a little deeper to find it.

This is all just a reminder that we have so little control over our lives.  We can plan and try to find "the right" time for things, but really, we are just here for the ride.  I am grateful for this child.  I am grateful that Adam and I can add to our family.  I see how much Ella has changed our lives, and I am grateful that this child will do the same.  I am also humbled, because yet again I am reminded that being a mom isn't about my selfish needs for sleep and perky boobs.  It's providing for my children whether it's making sure Ella learns to feed herself or eating healthy meals throughout the day to nourish this growing baby inside me.    

So with all that being said, here we go with Pregnancy: The Sequel.  And here is our little blob at 8 weeks:

34 Weeks 2 Days

I'm so happy to report that everything is continuing to progress well in our pregnancy.  I'm starting to see my OB twice a week now for fetal monitoring and we just had another ultrasound with the perinatologist, who we always enjoy seeing.  We've been informed that her fluid levels are good, her growth is right on target (about 5 lbs. 2 oz.), and that we "really did it right" with our "good-looking" baby (gotta love our perinatologist!).

Her profile.  If you look carefully you can see her little hand by her face.

It's getting harder to get a good picture of her since she's a lot bigger now.  But here's her "serious face."

Check Up

We had another OB/Ultrasound appointment and were happy to hear all is going along well.  Our little girl is developing on target and we are eagerly counting down the days until we can meet her in person.  We've had a lot of opportunities to see her via ultrasound because of a high PAPP-A protein found in my urine early on in my pregnancy and a notched placenta that has caused some concern.  So my OB is seeing me more often to monitor the baby's fetal growth.  It's a little worrisome, but I feel like I'm in good hands with good doctors and a knowledgeable and attentive doula.  We just keep praying that she will stay in there and develop and grow and that I don't develop preeclampsia before she is ready to come out.

We were very glad to find that she has flipped and is now in position to be birthed.  Hopefully she will stay put until we are due.  She has been moving around A LOT and we came to find out that it's her little booty that has been making my belly go nuts.  I don't know how we feel about that--a booty-shaking daughter.  Let the worrying begin!

Here she is at 30 weeks 2 days.  She had her face covered for most of the ultrasound until the doctor literally shook her awake.  She wasn't too happy about the rude awakening.

100 Days

Today marks my 100 day countdown to our baby's arrival.  That means I've been pregnant for 180 days!  Well, more like 166 since 14 of those days was pre-ovulation.  But still, quite a feat us women go through!

We had a prenatal check-up today and got to see our daughter.  It's been 6 weeks since the last time we saw her, and my, how much she has grown!  I'm being monitored a bit closely because I have an increased risk of developing preeclampsia.  My blood pressure was slightly elevated this time around, but so far, everything is going fine.  The baby is 2.2 lbs. now (in the 60th percentile) and her features are developing a lot.  She was opening and closing her mouth a lot (I think we have a talker!) and raised her fist quite a few times.  Adam remarked that she was fist pumping, leading the doctor to say, "We have a situation!"  Sigh... There are no words...

But here are some pictures!

The profile shot

Creepy Pudding Baby

It's like she's formed from a cloud.

The doctor assured me that the bumps are a result of graininess from the ultrasound and NOT actually part of the baby.

Haha, just kidding.  But the resemblance is there!

Tickled Pink

Meet our baby girl at almost 20 weeks!  *Warning* The 3D images are a little creepy.  She looks like she was formed out of mashed potatoes.  Or pudding.  I guess pudding sounds cuter.  Regardless, it probably isn't her best photo, but we won't tell her that.  We love our pudding baby no matter what.

Apparently she likes to hang out in the same position every time.

We did the second trimester anatomy scan and everything is looking good.  We got to see all her parts and make sure she was developing as she should be.  My favorite part is still seeing the heart beating, which looks like a dragonfly fluttering in her chest.  We got to share the experience with our moms, and it was so nice to be able to see them watch their first grandchild move around.  I'm definitely happy to be reaching this half-way point in the pregnancy!

Pink or Blue?

We had another doctor's visit yesterday, and were so excited to see the baby again!  It felt like it had been forever since our last ultrasound, and we were really eager to see see how the baby was doing and even find out its sex.  I'm usually pretty elated and relieved after every appointment, but I felt especially warm and gooey after this one.  I think it's because our baby now has an identity and it just feels all that more real.  Here's the ultrasound picture (though it's not a very good one):

Our baby's best impression of a peanut.

We were mesmerized by its little movements while the doctor was checking its size (a little over 1/2 lb) and heartbeat (144 bpm).  We could even see the mouth moving and sucking and the little arms and legs twisting about.  We have a pretty good idea what we're having, but we'll be saving the big announcement for after the anatomy scan in two weeks to confirm the gender.

And just for fun, here are some old wives' tales about figuring out the gender of the child:

Highs and Lows: if you're carrying high, break out the pink. If your bump is low, you're carrying a boy.

Be Still My Beating Heart: According to legend, 140+ beats per minute indicates a girl, and below 140 a boy.

Sweet and Sour: Craving ice cream every single day? Some people believe this means it's a girl. If you have to have salty or sour stuff, then it's a boy.

Even and Odd: Legend has it that the Mayans determined a baby's sex by looking at the mother's age at conception and the year of conception. If both are even or odd, it's a girl. If one's even and one's odd, it's a boy

Spot On: If you're breaking out like crazy, blame it on your girl babe. The belief goes that girls steal their mother's beauty, hence, those annoying zits.

Queasy Does It: Sick as a dog during the first trimester -- or still? Signs indicate you're having a girl. Little or no morning sickness points to a boy.

So how do I score?  I'm carrying high(er), the fetal heartbeat at our last appointment was 144 bpm, I've been craving fruit, root beer, and boba tea drinks, I was 29 when I conceived in 2009, I have not had any  skin breakouts or irritation, and I was nauseous throughout my first trimester but I never threw up and it subsided right around the 14 week mark.  Any guesses on the gender of our baby??

Questions and Worries and Nerves, Oh My!

Pregnancy (and I'm sure parenthood in general) brings with it lots of worry, anxiety and thoughts of "what if?".  It begins with conception (Am I pregnant?  Did my baby implant ok?  Can I drink this glass of wine?) and continues throughout the pregnancy (Am I eating right?  Is the baby growing?  Will the pug snoring make my baby think it's a dog?).  Adam and I opted to do the nuchal translucency screening test for Down's Syndrome and Trisomy 18 since we both have first cousins that are affected and wanted to be well-informed about our baby.  I went in for the ultrasound yesterday and was happy to hear that we have less than 1% chance.  While it's not a diagnosis, it's just one more thing for us to breathe easier about.

It took the ultrasound tech a while to get the measurements, so I got to spend some time looking at our little one waving its arms around (probably doing the robot).  I can't believe how much it's grown in just a little over a week!  Here's the lovely souvenir I got:

12 weeks 3 days

While we're happy about the results of the screening, I was told that I have low levels of a certain protein that could be an indicator of future complications.  Of course, I was told not to worry, but when words like "poor fetal development," "preeclampsia" and "still birth" are thrown in there, it was hard not to freak out.  Thankfully, I have a good doctor and will be monitored very closely (as we have been).  We are continuing to pray that God protects this little life and that we will have a smooth pregnancy and safe delivery.  If anything, pregnancy has taught us that we have so little control over our lives, and that we really do have to trust God and His plans for our family.  We are staying prayerful, faithful and hopeful that He will bring to fruition the good plans He has for us.  As of now, everything is looking good and we can only stay positive knowing every day that this pregnancy progresses is a true blessing from God.

And We Have a Lime!

Our baby is 11 weeks today, according to the dating on our ultrasound.  We had our third OB appointment and were GREATLY relieved to hear the thump-thump-thump of the heartbeat and pleasantly surprised to see how big the baby had grown.  Even though we know it's a different pregnancy, we couldn't help but subconsciously hold this appointment as an important milestone.  During our first pregnancy, we went in for a 10 week ultrasound to find that the baby had stopped growing at around 8 1/2 - 9 weeks and that there was no heartbeat.  Passing the same point in this present pregnancy was really important to us, and comforting to know that the pregnancy is progressing as it should be.

As we looked at the screen to see our little miracle of life, I asked the doctor if he or she should be moving. As he said, "Let's see, sometimes it takes a little while," the baby started squirming around, looking like a little water ballerina.  Adam had tears in his eyes and my heart just fluttered.  Hopefully, this is a sign that the baby will be a cooperative one that follows directions well.  Maybe?  Perhaps?  One can hope, right?  :)

Here's baby's glamour shot:

It's a Raspberry!

It's kind of strange to think of your unborn child as fruit or a vegetable.  But it's definitely a nice frame of reference.  Here's our little raspberry at 8 weeks 2 days.  We also got to hear its heartbeat, which, in my opinion, is the. best. sound. in the world.  For now at least.

Hello There, Little One

Our first image of the baby at 6 weeks 2 days.

Crazy to think how this little speck can create so much change in my life.  The morning sickness has become all day sickness, the aversions are rampant (I can't even look at a takeout menu without wanting to throw up), and the pangs and twinges in my uterus still creep me out.  I know, I know--it will all be worth it in the end.  But it doesn't make the gagging and exhaustion go away.