Bath Time Fail Redux

Cranky Baby: 1, Successful Bath Time: 0

Our second attempt at a bath resulted in Ella throwing up all over herself and into her baby tub, and a crying, upset baby.  I had always imagined a blissful bath time where she's cooing in her tub, bathed in warm water and having a blast.  Well, replace that imagery with a baby flailing her limbs and crying so hard, she starts to turn purple.  Oh yes.  The humbling adventures of parenting.  I'm starting to think we'll only be giving sponge baths until she gets a bit bigger.  That, or we just live with a stinky baby.

Sleep, Is That You?

I'm knocking on wood as I write this, but Ella has been sleeping in four hour chunks for the past two nights, which means that I am slowly regaining my sanity!  With only one middle-of-the-night feeding, I've been feeling more and more well-rested, which seems to be such a luxury these days.  She's even sleeping on her own in the co-sleeper, which is wonderful and so much progress from having to be held!  Though she's still a noisy sleeper (grunts and moans and wiggles abound), I think we're slowly getting used to the noise and allowing ourselves to sleep through it until she really does stir and lets us know she needs to be fed.

Every day has been a blur of sleep, poop, eat... wash, rinse, repeat.  Some moments I feel the baby blues and get completely overwhelmed.  It's hard for me to imagine how I'll handle the two pugs and a little baby once Adam's mom stops staying with us.  Thinking about taking Ella out and having to nurse and attend to her needs makes me even more nervous.  I'm hoping it's a new mom thing, and that as we gradually figure things out and get comfortable in our new roles as parents, things will naturally work themselves out.  Right now I'm just trying to focus on the present.  I'm completely in love with my little girl, but the adjustment of having her here is definitely challenging me emotionally and physically.  I'm sure most moms go through this, I'm just surprised that the feelings of frustrations and anxiety are so strong.

But all in all, we are all doing the best we can.  For having been here for only two weeks, Ella is thriving and learning so much.  I look forward to seeing what another two weeks will bring!

Sweetest. Face. Ever.

Two Weeks, Fourteen Days, Zero Sleep

I can't believe it's been two weeks since we welcomed our baby girl.  Time has flown by, yet it feels like she's been here forever.  We are definitely still adjusting to parenthood (Does she really have to feed that much during the night?), and getting down some sort of routine throughout the day.  I think the pugs are also trying to adjust to this new member of the family.  Remy especially wants to be friends, constantly bringing her his toys and trying to sleep by her.  Mia just wants to get a good lick in, but keeps her distance (especially when the crying starts up).

I've never been so fixated on a person's eating, pooping and peeing before.  It feels like all we do is stare at her until some sort of bodily function happens.  I'm also learning what type of mom I want to be.  I know she's still so little and new, but already I'm thinking about sleep training and habits and all that comes with raising a little child.  It's all a bit overwhelming and sometimes I feel like I'm just trying to get through this feeding, but I look forward to some semblance of normalcy (whatever that is) once we gain more confidence in what we're doing.  We're all going by trial and error at this point, and I'm definitely thankful that while we will remember it all, Ella won't.  I am ever so grateful for that little piece of grace.

Group Nap

Getting ready for her first bath

Remy found a new snuggle friend

After a satisfying meal

The Breast Part of Motherhood

I knew that caring for a newborn would be challenging. The sleepless nights, the endless diaper changes, the adjustment of having a new little person to care for. And while I knew breastfeeding would be no easy matter, no book or class prepared me for the emotional and physical frustration of being a new breastfeeding mom. From the beginning Ella had a hard time feeding. It took her almost two days to latch, and even when she did she would fall asleep or get lazy and never actually feed. This resulted in elevated bilirubin levels in her system, which put her at high risk for jaundice and completely stressed Adam and me out. She had to have her blood taken three times, followed by visits to the pediatrician, which was exhausting for us since we're running on zero sleep and I was still physically healing from the birth. Thankfully, my milk came in making it easier for Ella to nurse, but every day still has it's challenges. Is she eating enough? Is she getting all of the milk? Should I wake her up or let her sleep? I have never been so fixated on a task before; I'm just constantly staring at her as she feeds making sure she's latched and swallowing correctly. Sometimes I feel like a human twenty-four hour buffet.

I'm thankful for my other mommy friends who assure me that this is all normal, especially when sleep deprivation makes me feel like I'm losing it. I know the benefits of breastfeeding will make all this worth it, and my heart just melts when she looks up at me with those eyes.  I just have to raise my (milk-filled) glass to all the moms who nurse, and find comfort in being initiated into this unique sisterhood of breastfeeding.

Lullaby and Goodnight

Ella's first visitor: her godfather Louie!

Thank God for Dads

Happy Father's Day!! This year we definitely have an extra special reason to celebrate. I'm sure Adam would say the best Father's Day gift is the birth of his baby girl. This being his first official celebration of the holiday as a dad, I just wanted to say that he deserves every finger-painted card, construction paper tie, and cheesy "World's Greatest Dad" award that he will be bound to receive from Ella. I knew when I married him that he would be an awesome father. But seeing him with Ella has made me realize he is even more incredible than I had imagined him to be. He changes every diaper with a song, bounces with her on the yoga ball through sleepless nights, and adores every single noise and expression she makes. Throughout the entire pregnancy he was completely devoted to us. He cried when I cried during the labor and delivery, and seeing him hold his baby girl in his arms for the first time was like watching love manifest itself in the tiniest of gestures. Ella will always know how a man should treat a woman through her father's love.

So Happy Father's Day, Adam. This will surely be the first of many more to come. You are the love of my life and seeing you grow into your role as a dad makes me fall in love with you all over again. Ella is a very blessed little girl!

It Takes a Village

Breakfast in bed every morning.  Thanks Grandma!

As we slowly crawl out of our baby daze, I just wanted to say that we are so incredibly blessed to have the help and support of our family.  We are being so well taken care of, I don't know how people could adjust to having a newborn at home without the help.  Every night my mom brings a home cooked meal to us for dinner, along with and endless amount of fresh fruit.  Adam's mom has been staying with us, doing everything from preparing breakfast, washing clothes, cleaning the house and helping with nighttime feedings so at last one of us can get some sleep.  Auntie Ashley has been making sure the pugs aren't neglected and that the house stays orderly.  What a relief and luxury to be able to focus on recovering and our little baby girl.

All Wrapped Up

A Birthing Story

It's hard to believe that she's here after all this anticipation!

Last Thursday, June 9th, Adam and I went to my routine OB appointment for our usual NST session.  We found out that I was having (mild) contractions every 20 minutes or so during the fetal monitoring.  Our doctor felt that I would probably deliver the upcoming weekend.  We were excited, though the reality didn't really sink in.  I just felt like I was going to be pregnant forever, rocking the bump til I was old and gray.

Thursday night we went to bed at around 10 pm since Adam had an early morning the next day.  I joked that perhaps he wouldn't make it into his 5 am work day if I went into labor.  At around 12:30 am I woke up with some intense contractions.  I knew it the moment I felt it that this was the beginning of labor.  How long the process would be, I wasn't certain.  I tried to sleep it off (knowing I needed all the rest I could get), but it got intense enough for me to whimper and writhe around in bed, waking Adam up.  We decided to see if I would be getting the contractions regularly before jumping to any conclusions about our baby's delivery.  Then, about 10 minutes later I had another contraction.  Then another 7 minutes later, I had another one.  Followed by another one 12 minutes later.  We called our doula. Juli, just to give her a head's up, and she suggested we try to sleep or for me to take a bath, since this pattern could continue for a while and I was still only in early labor.  Then they came more frequently; as we timed my contractions we realized they were coming in 4-6 minute intervals.  I didn't expect to starting getting them so close together so soon.  So we called Juli back (who said she actually couldn't go back to sleep either because she sensed she'd be needed sooner than later), and as we waited for her to come over, I did what every laboring woman does: throw on comfy clothes, finish packing the hospital bags, pay bills, and straighten my hair.

I have to be honest the contractions took me by surprise and I didn't really know how to deal with them.  Adam and I looked at each other and just knew this was going to be a tough road.  Maybe I wasn't as strong as I thought I'd be.  But the minute Juli arrived and placed her hands on my hips to ease the pain, we felt a lot more confident that we were going to do this.  We labored at home for about 11 hours.  Adam made us breakfast (oatmeal and cappuccinos, of course!) and switched off with Juli to help me through each contraction.  By 11:30 the contractions were getting stronger and we felt like I was dilated enough to head to the hospital.  Adam called the doctor and we headed out.

My calm and empowering labor at home was definitely interrupted by the hospital's many formal procedures.  Getting constantly poked, prodded and hooked up (four tries and an anesthesiologist later for the IV) made bearing through the contractions pretty challenging.  But Juli and Adam were amazing coaches and we persevered for another few hours.  By 3 pm, my OB broke my bags of water, intensifying the contractions.  I have to say, the next two hours were by far the most challenged.  At 6 cm dilated, I was about to go into transition and I was exhausted and scared that I wouldn't be able to actually push the baby out.  Through tears and feelings of defeat, I asked for the epidural.  When the pain medication set in, we were all given a brief reprieve and some rest.  My progress stalled and pitocin was administered to keep things going.  Transition hit and by 11:30 I was ready to push.  Adam made the comment that perhaps our baby would make her arrival on the 10th after all.  Juli and the L&D nurse both looked at him incredulously since first time moms usually push for at least 1-2 hours.  So I braced myself for the long haul, and started the pushing process.  Twenty-one minutes later at 11:51 pm, Ella Seraphina Holliday was born.  We were all amazed, overwhelmed and completely overcome by the experience.  She was placed on my chest, lifted her head and said hello to her new mommy and daddy.  And my heart was now eternally outside my body.

Adam and I are so completely overjoyed to welcome our little girl into this world.  After everything our family has been through we definitely welcome the celebration of a new life.  The day Ella was born was the day we fell in love with our daughter and even more with each other.  Thanks for sharing in our journey!  We look forward to what parenting holds for us.

Hello, Baby

Ella Seraphina Holliday made her grand debut on Friday, June 10, 2011 at 11:51 pm. Our healthy girl is 6 lbs 14 oz and 20.5 inches long. We are overjoyed, exhausted, overwhelmed, and madly in love! She is all of God's goodnessed bundled up into a tiny, squirmy package and we are so grateful to be able to experience this. Quick thank you to everyone for your offers of help and congratulations! We still can't remember what day it is, so we're doing some major bonding and hiding out with our daughter until we can get into some normal routine. Will definitely post more updates in the near future, including her birth story and pictures.

The Waiting Game

With just a few more days until our due date, Adam and I spent our (possibly) last weekend together as just the two of us strolling around town and taking it easy.  The beautiful weather we've been having has been very conducive for our walks and getting out and about.  Yesterday we met up with my mom and family for lunch at a delicious dumpling place (where we got free dumplings because Adam broke out the Chinese and told the waitress how good their food was), and then did some last minute errand shopping at Target (always a favorite past time of mine).  Today we slept in a little, then met up with our friend, Louie, for lunch at Porto's in Glendale and some shopping and strolling at the Americana.  We joked that I should scare people in stores by starting to pant and look pained.  When I took the stairs in the Puma store, the (really sweet and thoughtful) employee at the top level pointed out the elevator to me "just in case."  Apparently I look as ready to pop as I'm feeling!

Adam and I are trying hard to stay patient and keep our minds off the impending labor process.  We are just so eager to meet our little girl, it's hard to wait.  Nonetheless, we are focusing on staying prayerful for a safe and healthy birth, and trying to appreciate the last few moments we have as a family of two.

I'm 39 weeks and 1 day.  Adam is just plain ready for the baby to show up. 

Happy Donut Day!

Today is National Donut Day.  I dutifully celebrated it!

The Nursery

It was a little gloomy out when I took the pictures so there are a lot of shadows and the colors look darker than they really are.  But in my pregnant state, I wasn't up to using the fancy camera that is stowed away in my office.  This gives you a rough idea as to what her nursery looks like.  We are so happy with the result, even though I had a hard time committing to the design scheme.  We chose a taupe/grey color on the wall, and our interior designer found the wallpaper that was inspired by my baby bag.  We kept everything else neutral and left space for her to fill up with her own personality and likes.  We are still missing a table lamp and an ottoman (on order), but all in all, the room is ready for her arrival!  I hope our baby girl likes it! 

Crib & dresser/changing table from Restoration Hardware Baby& Child
Moses basket from Serena & Lilly
Chandelier is refurbished from Adam's mom

Picture frame from Pottery Barn
Lamp from Target

Glider from Oilo.
Baby bags from Diaper Dude (Adam's) and Petunia Pickle Bottom (Yassie's).

Bookshelf from Serena & Lilly
Drapes from Pottery Barn

Shelves and pin board from Restoration Hardware Baby & Child
Monogram hooks from Anthropologie

Are We There Yet?

I know, I know.  I haven't even reached my due date yet, so there really is no reason to feel as antsy as I feel.  But I WANT THIS BABY HERE.  It's just... so uncomfortable.  I'm tired all the time, my belly keeps stretching (and showing it), and everything aches.  I've been so blessed to be able to have a husband to dote on me and weekly prenatal massages, so really, I shouldn't complain.  But I feel like I've been pregnant forever.  I know I should be enjoying these last couple of weeks where I don't have to always be nursing or caring for a newborn.  But I want my body back (as much of it as I can get back).  I miss yoga and salami and a guilt-free glass of red wine.  I miss seeing my toes and being able to roll out of bed without having to grunt or wince in pain (she's sitting very low now).  I want to wear my wedding ring again and not feel like a marshmallow peep all the time.  I'm trying to focus on the few things left on my to-do list, but most of the time I just want to sleep.  I've never felt this tired before and so physically limited.  And don't even get me started on the fact that I now waddle.  Sigh.

It's so funny how throughout the pregnancy all you want is for your baby to stay inside to develop and grow.  Preterm labor is a constant concern.  Now, all I want is for her to make her arrival.  I guess this is Mother Nature's way of helping me actually look forward to the labor and delivery process.  Ah, the master plan!