Questions and Worries and Nerves, Oh My!

Pregnancy (and I'm sure parenthood in general) brings with it lots of worry, anxiety and thoughts of "what if?".  It begins with conception (Am I pregnant?  Did my baby implant ok?  Can I drink this glass of wine?) and continues throughout the pregnancy (Am I eating right?  Is the baby growing?  Will the pug snoring make my baby think it's a dog?).  Adam and I opted to do the nuchal translucency screening test for Down's Syndrome and Trisomy 18 since we both have first cousins that are affected and wanted to be well-informed about our baby.  I went in for the ultrasound yesterday and was happy to hear that we have less than 1% chance.  While it's not a diagnosis, it's just one more thing for us to breathe easier about.

It took the ultrasound tech a while to get the measurements, so I got to spend some time looking at our little one waving its arms around (probably doing the robot).  I can't believe how much it's grown in just a little over a week!  Here's the lovely souvenir I got:

12 weeks 3 days

While we're happy about the results of the screening, I was told that I have low levels of a certain protein that could be an indicator of future complications.  Of course, I was told not to worry, but when words like "poor fetal development," "preeclampsia" and "still birth" are thrown in there, it was hard not to freak out.  Thankfully, I have a good doctor and will be monitored very closely (as we have been).  We are continuing to pray that God protects this little life and that we will have a smooth pregnancy and safe delivery.  If anything, pregnancy has taught us that we have so little control over our lives, and that we really do have to trust God and His plans for our family.  We are staying prayerful, faithful and hopeful that He will bring to fruition the good plans He has for us.  As of now, everything is looking good and we can only stay positive knowing every day that this pregnancy progresses is a true blessing from God.

Giving Thanks

Thanksgiving has become quite a big tradition in our household.  Usually we host family and friends at our home.  But this year, we started what we hope will be a new tradition: Thanksgiving at Bass Lake in our new cabin!  Since it was a smaller crowd, and I'm still tired all the time, we kept things simple.  We made our turkey in the oil-less fryer and kept the sides minimal.  Still it was an excellent feast with leftovers for days!  We definitely had a lot to be thankful for!

We were happy to find that Bass Lake received its first snowfall of the season.  Actually, it was more of a storm, receiving over 10 inches in the first couple days we were there.  It definitely ushered in the feeling of the holidays.  Here are some shots of the pugs and their first encounters with snow.  Remy ran around like a jack rabbit:

Mia just barely trudged through (short legs will do that to you):

Here are some more of us enjoying the first signs of winter (a novelty for us southern Californians):

Three Cheers for Three Years!

It's hard to believe that Adam and I have been married for three years.  It seems like just yesterday we were having the greatest celebration of our lives.  At the same time, it feels like I've known my best friend forever.  We have definitely had to work at our marriage, confronting the challenges of melding two lives into one.  It hasn't been an easy road, but it's been a worthwhile one.

When people ask me how I knew he was the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, two specific occasions come to mind.  One is when he first spent time with my parents early in our dating relationship, and he sat at the dinner table talking with my dad for hours.  My father is not an easy person to get to know, but he opened up to Adam and told him all sorts of stories about his childhood and emigrating from Vietnam and resettling here.  As I watched him and Adam talk, I knew I had found someone who valued not just family, but my family and my family's history.

The second occasion is when our first pug (and in many ways, our first "baby") had a debilitating seizure from his encephalitis and couldn't walk for a while. Adam and I slept downstairs with Frankie on the floor for weeks.  Franks was on prednisone, which made him have to drink a ton of water, and Adam would have to take him out to potty every two hours or so.  This entailed him holding Frankie up (who didn't have use of his hind legs) and spinning him in circles on the grass (a habitual ritual that Franks did in order to potty).  Adam's dedication to our pug and our ability to see Frankie through his illness showed me that Adam was someone I could depend on and journey with through life's up and downs.

And I was right.  We've held each other through a lot of heartache in the time we've been married.  From finding out Adam's mom had non-hodgkins lymphoma to the loss of our first baby, we've had to lean on each other when we felt like the world was collapsing around us.  But God has blessed us tremendously, and in those difficult times, our love remained as strong as ever.  Now that the cancer is gone and we have another baby on the way, we can't help but sit silently in God's goodness and be grateful for every single spark of joy that touches us.  We have so much to celebrate on our third anniversary.  I get to wake up every morning next to the best man I know.

And We Have a Lime!

Our baby is 11 weeks today, according to the dating on our ultrasound.  We had our third OB appointment and were GREATLY relieved to hear the thump-thump-thump of the heartbeat and pleasantly surprised to see how big the baby had grown.  Even though we know it's a different pregnancy, we couldn't help but subconsciously hold this appointment as an important milestone.  During our first pregnancy, we went in for a 10 week ultrasound to find that the baby had stopped growing at around 8 1/2 - 9 weeks and that there was no heartbeat.  Passing the same point in this present pregnancy was really important to us, and comforting to know that the pregnancy is progressing as it should be.

As we looked at the screen to see our little miracle of life, I asked the doctor if he or she should be moving. As he said, "Let's see, sometimes it takes a little while," the baby started squirming around, looking like a little water ballerina.  Adam had tears in his eyes and my heart just fluttered.  Hopefully, this is a sign that the baby will be a cooperative one that follows directions well.  Maybe?  Perhaps?  One can hope, right?  :)

Here's baby's glamour shot:

The Four Week Hangover

At exactly 6 weeks the nausea kicked in.  Since finding out we were pregnant, I started feeling the typical symptoms: fatigue, sensitivity to smell and some morning sickness.  But at 6 weeks, the nausea hit me like a ton of bricks.  From the moment I woke up in the morning to the moment I lay my head down at night, I felt sick.  Having a lot of experience with all things nauseous, it wasn't a foreign feeling.  But typically after a bad car ride or a long and cramped plane flight (two of the most nausea-inducing activities for me), I can usually cure the horrible feeling by laying down, doing some yoga, or just getting fresh air.  But THIS?  This was different.  It was like being hungover every day without the fun of having one too many dirty martinis the night before.  And the aversions that accompanied it made being around anything difficult to bear.

Fortunately, as I come into my 10th week, the symptoms seem to be subsiding a little.  I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel and crawling back into some sense of normalcy.  I figured this would be a good time to thank the following for helping me get through the tough month:

• Whole Foods for carrying organic strawberries in the middle of fall - Seriously, only thing I could eat to cure the indigestion and icky feelings in general
• Parents for willing to pick up the most random food for me at a moment's notice
• The Hunger Games Trilogy by Suzanne Collins for giving me a welcome distraction
• A very VERY patient husband
• A very VERY helpful sister-in-law, who may or may not have adopted some pregnancy symptoms from being in such close proximity to me
• Sea bands
• Ice, cold water in giant frosty mugs (this child is definitely Adam's)
• Our interior designers for having the foresight to get us a giant, comfy couch on which I could nap everyday
• Hello Kitty hard candies and Jolly Ranchers (for the two days I could tolerate them, they helped immensely)

I would like the following to go away until after next June when I can tolerate them again:

• Axe body spray
• Any lotion or soap that is minty
• Food with MSG in it (definitely paid for that one time I was craving orange chicken)
• Hello Kitty hard candies and Jolly Ranchers (it was a short love affair)

I know that on the continuum of pregnancy symptoms, I had it pretty easy.  I wasn't constantly hovering over the toilet, didn't need medication, and was able to keep food down.  But I'd be lying if I didn't say that I welcome the time when I don't feel so sick all the time.  Really, we should get some sort of badge at least.

Who's the Baby?

I had a mini meltdown last night.  I fell asleep on the couch next to Adam, who was playing video games, and woke up around midnight feeling as crummy as I had been feeling all day.  And it just hit me.  I was sick of being sick.  All. The. Time.  It's like I can't get away from my own body.  I've been trying really hard not to complain, to see the bigger picture of what all these changes in my body signifies--a little life growing inside.  I know women have been doing it forever, and who am I to complain about the all-day morning sickness, the aches and pains, and the exhaustion?  But last night my irrational side took over and I threw a fit.  I was tired and restless.  I was hungry with no appetite.  I felt like a puddle of dough on the couch because that's where I've been residing for the last 5 weeks.  When I watch tv shows or movies of women who are pregnant running around, living their lives, I get jealous.  I have not had that luxury.  Or is it really mind over matter?  Am I succumbing to being a baby because I am growing a baby?  Needless to say, I am grateful for Adam's continued patience and sensitivity to it all.  He ended up tucking me into bed and holding me as best he can (everything hurts) until I fell asleep again.  Thank God for good husbands.

A + Y = Ay!

Feeling good this morning, I took some time perusing the web--an activity that has become nausea-inducing in the past few weeks.  I was going through some pages on TheBump.com and came across their baby morpher application.  I obviously couldn't resist and quickly uploaded pictures of me and Adam to see what our future offspring would look like.

Introducing... Baby Holliday!

So he looks more like a toddler, but that's what they came up with.  Notice the curly hair.  They definitely predicted that right.  Though I'd be pretty shocked if our child came out with blue eyes!

It's a Raspberry!

It's kind of strange to think of your unborn child as fruit or a vegetable.  But it's definitely a nice frame of reference.  Here's our little raspberry at 8 weeks 2 days.  We also got to hear its heartbeat, which, in my opinion, is the. best. sound. in the world.  For now at least.