The Breast Part of Motherhood

I knew that caring for a newborn would be challenging. The sleepless nights, the endless diaper changes, the adjustment of having a new little person to care for. And while I knew breastfeeding would be no easy matter, no book or class prepared me for the emotional and physical frustration of being a new breastfeeding mom. From the beginning Ella had a hard time feeding. It took her almost two days to latch, and even when she did she would fall asleep or get lazy and never actually feed. This resulted in elevated bilirubin levels in her system, which put her at high risk for jaundice and completely stressed Adam and me out. She had to have her blood taken three times, followed by visits to the pediatrician, which was exhausting for us since we're running on zero sleep and I was still physically healing from the birth. Thankfully, my milk came in making it easier for Ella to nurse, but every day still has it's challenges. Is she eating enough? Is she getting all of the milk? Should I wake her up or let her sleep? I have never been so fixated on a task before; I'm just constantly staring at her as she feeds making sure she's latched and swallowing correctly. Sometimes I feel like a human twenty-four hour buffet.

I'm thankful for my other mommy friends who assure me that this is all normal, especially when sleep deprivation makes me feel like I'm losing it. I know the benefits of breastfeeding will make all this worth it, and my heart just melts when she looks up at me with those eyes.  I just have to raise my (milk-filled) glass to all the moms who nurse, and find comfort in being initiated into this unique sisterhood of breastfeeding.