Counting Down

We are eagerly checking off the days until we meet our little boy.  The past month has been filled with lots of doctor visits and fetal monitoring.  This pregnancy has definitely had its share of complications.  I developed gestational diabetes, have (yet again) an uncooperative placenta, and have had to go in twice weekly for a stress test to make sure the baby is doing well.  We learned recently that because my placenta is not doing what it's supposed to be doing, our little guy's abdomen is not growing as it should be.  All this means is that he won't be a big rolly polly baby.  But it's still cause for concern that he's not getting enough nutrition.  So looks like we'll be inducing early (within the next two weeks), depending on how he's doing in there.  Of course this all makes me nervous and anxious.  And of course it is a good reminder how little control we have in this process of creating life, and how it is such a MIRACLE and BLESSING to have children at all, let alone healthy ones.  So I am grateful we made it this far in the pregnancy with relatively few bumps in the rode, despite the complications.  I'm just eager to get him out (I'm over 37 weeks now, which is considered "full term") and meet this little man.

Plus, unlike with Ella, we haven't been able to get a good ultrasound picture of him.  He's always facing back and blocking his face with some limb or another, so we have no idea what he looks like.  I'm so curious to see our son!

As for the overall experience of this pregnancy, I must say it's been so different.  From the way I carry to my symptoms, this child is definitely his own person.  I had morning sickness much much longer than I did will Ella.  It took me until about 18 weeks before I started feeling myself again.  Then I had chronic headaches (they were terrible!) for a while, probably until 30 weeks.  And by 34 weeks, I felt like I was ready to deliver.  I'm carrying him so low, and my bump is definitely pointy and just out there.  With Ella, I didn't feel the discomfort until about 36-37 weeks, and my bump was always round and high.  This time around I don't have that dark line on my belly, and my skin has been relatively cooperative, which is a nice consolation.  The indigestion continues to plague me, and my nights are constantly interrupted with sore hips from sleeping on my side and the need to pee (I didn't have that latter problem with Ella at all).

I'm definitely looking forward to not being pregnant anymore.  I feel like having been pregnant (three times, including our first that ended in miscarriage) for the past three years has taken quite a toll on this body.  While this may not be our last child, I am looking forward to a break.

Emotionally I feel all over the place.  While we didn't plan having another child so soon, I'm glad it happened when it did (or just glad that the pregnancy is almost over and can't imagine doing it all over again right now).  I love that we're having a little boy and that he will usher in new energy into this family.  I wonder how it will be having another child, how much love I will have for him, and how much he will change our lives like Ella did when she was born.  Sometimes it still feels surreal, and the time to dwell on having another child gets overshadowed by the need to care for a toddler.  Still, I treasure those nights where I'm rocking Ella for bedtime and she's drifting off in my arms while I feel our son kick and move in my belly.  I cherish the fact that I have my babies so close, and know how blessed I am.

As for now, we are just trying to enjoy our final few days of being a family of three.  Adam and I are going out and having date nights as much as possible, because we know how challenging that can be with a newborn.  We're also sleeping as much as we can and just drinking in the relatively quiet and easy life we have.  While I know the roller coaster that awaits us, I'm excited to be exactly where we are right now.