Newborn Daze

The newborn period is always the most challenging.  And maybe it's because we had Ella and Gavin so close together, but I definitely feel more impatient for him to outgrow this phase.  The lack of sleep, the constant diaper changes, the spitting up and smelling like sour milk--it's getting old, fast.  I feel bad for complaining.  After all, Gavin is such a good baby.  He's easy-going and has a really mellow temperament.  He's fallen into a nice routine already, sleeping 4-5 hour stretches at night and eating very well.  And when we started him on a bottle this past weekend, he took to it like a pro (which is such a blessing).  I really can't complain, but I miss my full night's sleep.  I miss being able to wear clothes without fear of milk stains.  I miss not having to tote around so many diapers and changes of clothes and swaddles and blankets and breast pumps.  I miss having the bedroom to ourselves.  I miss being able to enjoy an evening with my husband without feeling guilty about not sleeping while the baby sleeps.  I miss being able to get out the door in a relatively efficient amount of time.

And then there's the added hormonal changes that happen after pregnancy, the postpartum baby blues that come with it, and the daunting task of trying to find "normalcy" once again.  While this transition to two children has been MUCH easier than the transition to one, I still get overwhelmed sometimes.  As time passes, I'm getting better and not having so many anxious moments of "how am I going to do this?"  I am slowly wrapping my brain around managing two young children on my own.  Adam has gone back to work, Grandma is no longer staying with us, and we're slowly finding our groove again.  I recently read a blog post that describes new motherhood so perfectly.  It helped to read it and know that the emotions I feel are so normal.  And even though this is my second time around, a part of me still has to mourn the lifestyle I had when it was just Ella.  Maybe it's because I barely got my body back before getting pregnant again (I was still nursing Ella when we found out), but shifting back into caring for a newborn baby has been challenging.  But at the same time, I know what awaits me as Gavin grows and I'm excited to take that journey again.  I just wish it involved more sleep right now.

There are things I appreciate about this phase, though.  These little gifts of grace of to new parents.  It helps tremendously that Gavin sleeps a lot, and demands very little really.  His needs are so basic, which allows me continue giving Ella the attention she needs.  I know it's just a matter of adjusting and getting into a routine again.  If anything, I'm learning (yet again) how little control I really have in it all and how I just need to pray more and have faith that I can be a good mother to these children, even when I feel completely overwhelmed or daunted.