To Work or Not to Work

Here's my vent.

I am forcing myself to finish my online program to get my second bachelor's in speech and language pathology.  Initially, I was really looking forward to pursuing a career in communication disorders and being able to work in a variety of settings with small children.  It seemed like the perfect offshoot of being an elementary school teacher.  I still occasionally miss the classroom (the teaching part, not the behavioral management part), and being a SLP would allow me to work with kids again.  But now that Ella is here my motivation is completed tapped out.  I can't seem to concentrate on my school work, and all I really want to do is spend my day with my daughter.  A (very large) part of me just wants to be a stay-at-home mom instead of pursuing a career.  I'm torn because I don't want to regret not having a career years down the road (say, when all our kids are in school).  At the same time, I love being a mom to Ella and don't want to compromise that by working.  I know plenty of moms who work and those who stay at home, and both jobs are challenging and admirable.  I respect both camps so much.  They both have pros and cons to them.  I guess I just don't know what's right for me.

I confess that deep down there's a little voice in me that says I need to work in order to have an identity other than being a mom.  Don't get me wrong.  I think being a mom is the toughest job out there.  It's demanding 24/7 and you don't get vacations days.  I just struggle with the social pressure to be defined by what you do.  And I feel like nowadays you have to have a profession while you're still relatively young because the job market is so competitive.

Once I get my degree, I still have to commit to two years for a master's program before I can actually be a SLP.  That's daunting to me, especially since we plan to have more children.  I've considered getting my master's in library science to be a children's librarian (which is a much easier, shorter program), but there really are no jobs out there.  So I'm torn.  Adam jokes that I collect degrees as a profession.  Which, yeah, kinda true.  But is that because I'm unable to commit to a career?  Or is that because the career I truly belong in is being a mom?  At thirty years old, am I okay with saying that I'm a mom?  Or will I feel unfulfilled (for whatever reason, legitimate or not) because I can't just hand over a business card when people ask what I do?  Maybe I should just make a business card for myself:

Yassie T. Holliday, M.O.M.

Mommyhood Specialist

Holliday Household Corp.

Specializing in tummy time, read-a-louds, and pug wrangling.

But It's Not Morning Yet!

Ella is usually a great nighttime sleeper.  (Napping?  Not so much.)  But we've found that after every round of vaccinations, she has a week of interrupted sleep.  These past three nights she's been waking at around 3 am.  I guess I've been pretty spoiled having her sleep through the night so early, but it's been rough having to wake up again.  I'm walking the tightrope between comforting her while she adjusts to whatever's happening in her little body and allowing her to learn to soothe herself back to sleep.  Usually she just rolls over, sucks her hand, and talks herself to sleep again.  But the past few nights she's been crying and wanting to nurse.  I'm really crossing my fingers that it's a result of her shots, because then I know she'll fall into her old routine again.  Usually her sleep gets disrupted a couple nights after her doctor's visit, but this time around, it didn't start until Saturday night (five nights later).   I've read about the four month wakeful period, which, if that's the case, I'm in for a rude awakening (pun totally intended).  I never realized how obsessed you get with sleep when you're a parent (your sleep and your child's sleep).  I'm constantly trying to figure out ways to get her to nap consistently and for longer stretches, and every night is a game of "When Can We Catch Ella at the Right Moment to Start Her Bedtime Routine."  Aaah, parenthood.

Pumpkins

It's an annual tradition for my family to go to the Fall Harvest Festival at Underwood Farms to pick pumpkins and kick off the holiday season.  Needless to say that I was super excited to bring Ella.  Though the 82 degree heat and sunny weather (gotta love California!) made the outing a little more exhausting, we all really enjoyed ourselves.  Ella really liked the horse-drawn wagon ride, slept through the pig races, and didn't understand why there were goats walking over her head.  With two grandmothers in tow, we enjoyed pumpkin pie, getting into the spirit of fall, and (of course) choosing our pumpkins to decorate our house with.

We always seem to go on tractor trailer weekend.

The beautiful clydesdales that pulled our wagon.

Ella on the wagon ride.  My mom says her hat makes her look like a Vietnamese soldier.
Totally the look we were going for.

Adam and his mom taking a tour of the farm.

My mom resting on some pumpkins.

On the way to the pig races!

Looking at animals.

See the goats?!

Apparently they were headed for a goat meet up.

We liked how stylish this scarecrow was.

On to the main event!

Look what I found! She was totally just sitting there.  Best. Pumpkin. Ever.

A very non-threatening scarecrow.

I think she was overwhelmed by the sea of orange.

Our loot.

Everybody needs a giant basket filled with gourds and squash in their home.
Bet you Martha Stewart has one.

Ready to head home.  We were all smiles and looking forward to a nice long nap on the drive home.

There were days when outings were simple with no strollers, hats, and diaper changes.
But despite the added effort, we like the extra baggage; she's pretty cute.

Four Months Old

Happy Four Months, Ella!

You just keep on growing and learning so quickly!  Your grunts have been replaced with high-pitch squeals as you become such a smiley and happy baby.  You love laughing and squealing and even an occasional shriek.  Things that bring you such delight?  Daddy's muppet voice, singing silly songs and nursery rhymes, watching the pugs' crazy antics, and a classic game of peek-a-boo. We're starting to see your personality shine through as you let us know what you like and dislike.  You like fingers (and shoulders and forearms and hands), covering your eyes dramatically while you sleep and while you nurse, and sneaking in glimpses of the T.V.  You love being outside and looking all around you, and you squeal when we nibble on your little hands and toes.  On the other hand, riding in the back of the car with unfamiliar faces, strong smells, being left alone, and (inexplicably) doorways are things you can do without.  You tend to be wary of strangers, and reserve your smiles and charm for those that have earned your trust.   You're finding your voice, talking and singing to yourself before you fall asleep, while riding in the car, and when we engage in conversation with you.  You're rocking tummy time and starting to sit a little in your Bumbo seat.  We started Play & Learn classes at Gymboree, and while you really enjoy the teacher, you can do without all the other babies (We're working on getting over that because, well, you are a baby and you'll want to make friends with more than just pugs and stuffed toys.)  You're reaching and grabbing things, kicking and squirming, looking at and observing everything around you.  You are sleeping (and apparently breakdancing) nine to ten hours a night, and wake up talking to your mobile in the morning.  In just four short months you have completely changed our world and challenged us to be better people.  We can't imagine our lives without you.  We love you so much, Babycakes!

Pug Love

Ella is now super aware of the pugs' presence.  It's really entertaining watching her observe them.  She's recently started to talk to and smile at Mia and Remy.  She especially gets a kick out of Remy and will just laugh at him.  He could just be sitting there and she cracks up.  Which, of course, cracks us up!

I was snapping a picture of Ella in her dress when Mia got up on the couch and sat down.  
She wanted the attention, too.

Ella really wanted to read to Remy.  Remy just wanted to take a nap.

Something New Every Day

October had been a busy month for us so far.  I can't believe how the weeks are just passing us by!  A couple weekends ago, Adam and I took Ella up to our cabin to winterize the place and receive some deliveries.  It was a nice little trip with just the three of us, which allowed for a lot of family time (and, of course, photo opportunities).

Minutes away from a nap.

Her new favorite vantage point.

An incredible sunset.

Trying out some hats Grandma made her.

Back home, we've been having fun showing her every day life.  As Ella keeps growing, we like putting her in different positions and places for her to view the world.

Saturday morning reading with Daddy. 

Chatting with Remy.

And now that she tolerates tummy time, she's been having fun exploring what her arms and legs can do.  

Watching Remy chew his bone.  It really intrigues her.

She's also become more playful.  Having learned to grab things better, she now intentionally hugs and snuggles her toys.

Every day is full of surprises and growth.  It's made blogging hard to keep up with, but it's really fascinating to see her learn new things.  These little milestones are so amazing, it really reminds me to embrace the wonderment of being a child.

Fall Into the Holidays

We had a huge rainstorm last week that momentarily turned the weather cold and crisp.  Even though the temperature has risen since then, the mornings and nights still feel cool and I can feel autumn in the air.  This is my favorite time of the year (though I have an affection for every season of the year, especially when themed parties are involved).  Halloween is just around the corner, which kicks off the holiday season.  Slowly, but surely, we are getting our fall decorations up, and I'm very excited to introduce Ella to the fun and tradition of this time of year.  It's amazing to think that this time last year we found out we were pregnant with her.  Time just keeps flying by and the blessings just keep multiplying.  To say we're grateful is an understatement.