An Education

Perhaps it's the hormones, perhaps it's the pregnancy brain, but I can't seem to focus on my studies and my motivation to do well has all but dissipated.  I've been taking classes to get a second bachelors in communication disorders in hopes of getting my masters degree in speech and language pathology.  Before getting pregnant I was really excited about this career shift and looking forward to working in schools and eventually in a private practice.  But since the baby came along, my 3 year plan has been a bit disrupted.  Yesterday, I took a test that I didn't do so well on, and came home a bit discouraged.  I'm pretty burned out with the whole school thing.  It feels like that's all I've been doing the past 10 years, and it scares me a little that this career decision may not work out.

I'm torn because all I want to do right now is to be a mom.  I think being a full-time mom is one of the most challenging and under-appreciated jobs a woman can have.  I have so much respect for women who choose to stay home with their kids.  Sometimes I think I'll be perfectly content pursuing that, but other times I feel suffocated and want something of my own (outside of kids and family).  While I don't plan to sacrifice my family life in pursuit of some flashy career, I know that in the long run it will be nice to just have something separate to identify myself with.

The idea of having 3+ years of schooling left plus wanting to grow our family is completely daunting to me.  Adam has been very supportive of whatever decision I make (even though he says I should just make a career out of collecting degrees). There are plenty of women who work, go to school and raise kids, but the idea of having to do that just exhausts me.  Then again, my physical fatigue is probably overflowing into my emotional state, so ultimately I will just pray for discernment as I navigate through this balancing act.  For someone who thrives on planning and "to do" lists, this is the first time in a long time that I've had to let every expectation go and just trust.

Morning Calisthenics

I've been feeling our baby move for quite a while now, but only recently has Adam been able to feel her movement.  Upon waking up this morning, she was particularly active.  I've gotten used to the twists and tumbles, the flutters and nudges.  But within the past couple of weeks she's grown stronger (and bigger) and her movements feel more alien-like.  Adam had his hand on my belly and was oh-so-gently nudged awake by her morning calisthenics.  Then, out of nowhere she pushed really hard and he was shocked at how strong her kicks have become.  He, of course, proceeded to nudge her back.

Every day the reality of her arrival sets in a little more.  Just as I get used to a certain stage of this pregnancy, a new one develops and I am in wonder yet again how our human bodies can grow a new life.  I've been studying about the anatomy of speech and the development of language in infants and it just amazes me how every baby is part of God's intricate design.  God's blueprint for creating life is simply awe-inspiring.  While pregnant, it's easy to think of all the things that can go wrong.  Sometimes it's nice to think about how all the things are just so right, so perfectly planned, so perfectly manifested.  Every toe nail, every hair follicle, every nerve ending is part of this beautiful tapestry of human life.  Every vessel and capillary, every groove and prominence, every muscle and joint--all of it to give this little papaya-sized baby the ability to breathe life.  

Laying there in the morning with Adam, his hand feeling hers, has been one of the most intimate experiences we've shared.  I know there are so many more to come, but it was a welcome glimpse into our little growing family.

First Comes Love, Then Comes Marriage, Then Comes Baby...

Yesterday we got to spend some time with one of our favorite photographers, Ira Lippke.  He shot our engagement photos in San Francisco and our wedding in 2007.  It felt right to have him come shoot yet another important milestone in our lives.  We were all amazed at how time has flown by in the past four years since we met, and couldn't quite believe we were now shooting our first pregnancy.  Here's a glimpse of him taking pictures of us in our backyard.

A hammock + lemonade cocktails + a bump + a photographer on a ladder makes for fun times!

iPhone Fun

Besides church, we didn't have much of an agenda today.  So I got to play around with my new iPhone.  I discovered that I can spend hours playing with the Instagram app.  I highly recommend it if you haven't discovered it already!

Here are some photos I snapped:

Mia & Remy: Pug Love

My 23 Week Bump

Magnolias in bloom in our front yard.

Homemade raspberry mint lemonade.

Self portrait

Mia lounging in the sun.

Lounging outside on a warm, sunny day.

Remy's favorite past time.

Child Rearing by Mia & Remy Holliday, P.U.G.

We have a little over 3 months left before the baby arrives before we officially become "parents," but for anyone who has dog(s) (especially for those who dress their dogs up in clothes), we know that the lessons of parenting started the minute those little tails began to wag.  We love our pugs, who are like children to us in so many ways, and this week they really schooled me in the art of parenting.

THE SITUATION: Mia is still recovering from her knee surgery and since being off the pain meds has started limping a lot and simply looking uncomfortable.  Remy doesn't remember she's still recovering from surgery (He can be so self-centered that way!) and continues to walk all over her, use her as a pillow, and instigate the bark-run-crash into the door routine the pugs love to play whenever someone comes through the door.

CASE #1 of Yassie's Mothering Skill:
Mia's a poop eater.  There.  I said it.  It embarrasses us all, and grosses us out even more.  But if Remy is feeling especially obnoxious, he will poop in the house, upstairs in my office, which he thinks is his personal bathroom.  If he poops, she will come.  So the earlier this week, I suspected he had to go after he made a beeline upstairs so I called him back down to take him out.  While out, Mia overcame her pain (driven so much by her love of poop) and ran upstairs.  With a bum knee.  Adam retrieved her (thankfully before the poop was ingested) and she's been limping ever since.  Pugs-1, Effective Mothering-0

CASE #2 of Yassie's Mothering Skill:
Grandma comes over and unlocks the side door to come in while the pugs are snuggled on the couch with me.  Remy hears the creak of the key being turned and instigates the bark-run-crash into the door routine.  Mia follows dutifully, except she crashes into the kitchen island.  Pugs 2, Effective Mothering-0

CASE #3 of Yassie's Mothering Skill:
Mia is staying at Grandma's for the day so she can rest and get a vacation from Remy.  Remy is acting all sweet and obedient and like the good dog he is when alone and without his sister.  I'm finishing up laundry, putting clothes away upstairs and he sits and waits nicely for me by the open kitchen gate.  I'm proud of his abilities to maintain boundaries.  Pugs-2, Effective Mothering-1

CASE #4 of Yassie's Mothering Skill:
I decide to do a thorough cleaning of their sleep spaces and wash their beds and bed linens so Mia can come home to a clean house.  Remy pees on the uncovered bed cushions while the cover is in the washer.  Pugs-3, Effective Mothering-1

CASE #5 of Yassie's Mothering Skill:
It's cleaning day and Remy is acting like a sweetheart and I get distracted on Facebook.  I look over and there he is, licking stainless steel cleaning off our fridge.  I consider if I have to call poison control and what I would tell them.  For some reason, "My pug just licked stainless steel cleaner off the fridge and I'm worried he may pass out" just seems like an awkward way to start a conversation.  Husbandly advice when I call him to tell him about the incident: Give him a piece of apple to wash it down.  Pugs-4, Effective Mothering-1 (barely)

So the lessons I've learned for when our baby girl arrives?
1. Make sure she's always wearing a diaper, otherwise Mia may eat her poop.
2. Keep her wrapped in bubble wrap so it doesn't hurt when the pugs run over her on the way to the door.
3. One child is always easier than two when trying to manage them and do chores.  And yay for boundaries!
4. Don't leave her unattended lest she be peed on my Remy.  At least, don't dress her up like a fluffy, white cushion to tempt him into peeing on her.
5. Don't let her lick the fridge.

Just a little late...

A couple pictures from our New Year's Eve weekend at the lake with friends.  Thanks, Tina & Rodger for the pictures!

At the Pines Bar ringing in the New Year!

Getting ready to head home.

The Year of the Rabbit

Happy Chinese New Year!  We broke tradition this year and celebrated the Lunar New Year early with our family over dinner on Tuesday night.  Since Adam had a four day weekend, we decided to come up to our cabin at the lake to take care of some loose ends.  We brought Remy with us, but left Mia with her Aunt Ashley and Grandma Donna because of a recent surgery on her knee.  Word is she's none too happy about being left behind, especially since she's staying over at Grandma's instead of at home.  We heard she kept everyone up last night and is acting more spritely than a pug on drugs should be acting.  Remy doesn't seem to know what to do without his partner in crime and keeps wanting to be held.  This is probably the calmest he's been up here at the lake and I can't say I don't like it.

It's definitely nice to get away with Adam, even if it's only for a couple days.  The fresh air and change of scenery can be so rejuvenating.  We realized this morning as he sat sipping his coffee and me chewing on my toast that I've been pregnant for the entire time we've owned this place.  We joked how I never got to enjoy my glass of wine sitting on the deck watching the sunset.  I guess it's a fair trade--wine for baby.

On another note, I had another OB appointment yesterday and everything is going well.  Our final blood work for the quad screening for Down Syndrome and other defects came back negative and we breathe a sigh of relief yet again.  No ultrasound this time, but the heartbeat was strong.  I'm nearing 22 weeks with the bump continuing to grow and it still shocks me when I look down at my stomach.  Hello, baby!  I feel her move all the time (especially when we're hungry) and it's just nice to have that physical connection to her.  Crazy to think this time next year she'll be here to celebrate the new year with us and receive all those little red envelopes (to pay for her shopping addiction, of course).  Our little one will be born in the year of the rabbit, which according to one website means:

People born in the Year of the Rabbit are articulate, talented, and ambitious. They are virtuous, reserved, and have excellent taste. Rabbit people are admired, trusted, and are often financially lucky. They are fond of gossip but are tactful and generally kind. Rabbit people seldom lose their temper. They are clever at business and being conscientious, never back out of a contract. They would make good gamblers for they have the uncanny gift of choosing the right thing. However, they seldom gamble, as they are conservative and wise. 

We are SO taking our baby to Vegas when she gets here!